I am very happy to be here once again posting to my blog. I have missed being able to share my thoughts, feelings and information with you.
Unfortunately I have been unable to do even a little writing because of health problems. First, I had a deep venous thrombosis (DVT) in my left leg. I was admitted to the hospital and put on a higher dose of anticoagulant medication. I am still having pain sometimes and that leg. We’ve switched insurance companies lately (my husband had to change his job to get better insurance that would pay for my meds) and it is been a struggle to get them to pay for some of my expensive medications. I will talk more about that in an upcoming blog.
The most difficult thing that I’ve had to deal with is that my FTD is becoming worse and is affecting my ability to write. I have so many stories in my head and so much that I want to share with people. My characters are screaming to have their stories told. In the literature for FTD and one of the symptoms that doctors explain that may happen with FTD is apathy.
Before we knew I was diagnosed with FTD, Selch began to notice that I would not take my pain medicine even though I was in a tremendous amount of pain. I did not seem to care about bathing even though I used to take two showers a day, and that I would no longer pay the bills.
I think for me being labeled apathetic is not exactly the right term. The problem is that when I am faced with the task, I become overwhelmed. My mind becomes flooded with each detail of the task that I must do and I become paralyzed with fear to the point I am unable to take any action. Then as a coping mechanism, I try to put out of my mind doing the task at all.
Now I am devastated that my FTD has started affecting my writing again. I have so much information and so many stories that I want to share with everyone, but right now I feel like most of it is locked in my brain. It is as if there were a large crowd of people who are trapped in a room but the control mechanism that used to be there to let them file out in an orderly fashion is not working anymore.
Selch, as always my knight in shining armor, is working with me to help me to be able to write again. Right now I’m using Dragon Naturally Speaking. It is hard for the thoughts that come from my brain to go to my mouth instead of my fingers on the keyboard.
In the near future, I hope to once again be sharing my thoughts and feelings with you. Take care everyone, until you hear from me again.
Soulfulsilkee
I am dying 